Tired of all the anger that seems to be pouring off of you these days.
On the week of my due date i got a call from my doctor the day after my last appointment telling me that i had to be induced because i had high amounts of protein in my urin. I remember how everything seemed to go numb in my body and my ears filled with the sound of my heart racing and i had to sit down.. as soon as i got off the phone with my OBGYN i emediately started freaking out. I started crying and panicking and dialed my moms number without looking in histarics! I couldnt belive my daughter was comming .. even though we were a week away from my orignall due due October 22nd 2011 i couldnt believe that she was going to be here.. and when my doctor said induction.. all i could do was panick.. when my mom picked up the phone she tried so hard to calm me down but it didnt work that well.. she got me to stop crying but the didnt last once we got off the phone. i thought about how id heard nothing but horror stories about being induced and this horrible medicine that made labor millions of times more long and painful and was so shocked, also about how id herd scary stories of C sections and mothers giving birth and dieing and pain medication that didnt and their cathiters hurting them. My mom told my dad that i was scared and i remember him comming up from down stairs and telling me that mom told him all about it and patting me on the back and letting me know that everything was going to be okay.
My doctor had me come in on the 20th and get something put in me that id never herd of before called a fooley bulb which was supose to force me to dilate to a 5cm by the morning. I remember that i was at the point in pregnancy where i was just completely uncomfortable and my vagina hurt so bad… when she put the fooley bulb in or was trying to put it in i started crying because i was so scared and it hurt a bit.. but mostly it was so uncomfortable. she told me how i handled it awesomely and not to feel bad for crying. she started insirting sterile water into the fooley bulb and that when things really started getting uncomfortable. Me and my mom had an appointment to get her wooping cough shot in the next building over and i remember by the time i got their i was ready to scream! i remember that mom wheeled me out of the doctors in a wheel chair. by the time we got .. eeh 15 minutes from the hospital i was begging her to take me back to the hospial. It hurt so bad…it felt like freddy cruger was in my vagina trying to tear his way out. That night was HELL. I cryed and walked around trying to do the best i could to relax i must have taken at least 6 baths that night to try and help the pain which had sort of died down but still hurt. I also remember how awkward is was to go pee with these big rubber tubes hanging out of my vagina.. and how i started to spot which the doctor told me was normal. I slept with my mom that night.. and a heating pad on my stomach just so i could sleep.. which i didnt. i dont think i even got an hour.. i sat their and turned on the heating pad over and over again becasue it shuts off automatically after like 2 hours.
Mom got up at 5 to call L&D to make sure that they had rooms which haha to my luck they were all filled up -_- by that time i was wide awake so we decided to go out to breakfast.. but i remember not to many places were open so we settled for sharis diner not to far from the hospital.. and we waited till 630 after breakfast of corse. When we got their i was wheeled into the waiting room by mom and had to fill out so many long papers and i was already having little contractions!
By the time we got into the hospital room i think it was 7am. they made me change into a gown asap and showed me and mom where everything was and hooked up the monitors to my huge stomach. then… came the IV.. which beside from the fooley bulb was the worst part of it all. I was shaking so bad because id never had one before.. and of corse it took like two times and she still couldnt get it in right so they had to numb me first and have someone talk to me to distract me from it :( i felt like a total idiot right their and then making small talk with the nurse and holding still which felt like id been doing forever.. when they finally got it done it never stopped hurting and had actually started getting infected so they were always messing with it and cleaning it. i couldnt wait to get that god damn thing out.. they took my blood and got me started on a bag of fluids because aparently i was really dehydrated.
Next they started me on patocin it was so weird.. i remember feeling it slowly go into my body and feeling this coldness running down my body.
I remember that my contractions felt like menstrual cramps and didnt really hurt but made things just more uncomfortable. I remember the nurses comming in to check my dilation progress and tugg on the plastic tubeing hanging out of my vagina.. My doctor came in FIANLLY to check and see how far along i was dilated and i was so happy to find out that i was at 5cm.. she took the fooley bulb out and i was pretty content.
At about 8:30pm my doctor came in and talked to me about getting an epidural. I wasnt dilateing anymore past 5cm and my contractions where only getting stronger and stronger. My body was fighting the contractions and i was totally hyped up on adrenaline. She gave me the choice to risk get a C section or get an Epidural.. so.. while i was in the bath tub.. i made the decision to get an epidural.
I was so freaking scared. I was shaking all over again and i remembered my mom comming in front of me and pushing on my sholders just incase i jerked while they were putting the needle into my back.. they numbed it first and i couldnt really feel much of the big ass needle after that. I thought getting an epidural was just a shot.. lol little did i know.. anyway as soon as i layed back down i couldnt feel my legs! or the contractions.. but when i put my hand on my tummy i could feel it get hard and i could feel my stomach get hard but that was it.. the epidural worked like a charm (: . After the epidural i got another cathider placed in my bladder so i wouldnt have to get up to pee i was so glad that i couldnt feel that in!
My doctor came in regualary to see how everything was going and how far id dilated. I was told to try and get some sleep but i couldnt…pssh who could? i munched on ice chips and layed they with my eyes closed.. a few times i got close to sleeping but my arm drove me nuts with the IV in.
My nurse came in to check my Progress and i was fully dilated!!! she asked me to tell her when i felt pressure but i never really did.. so she called the doctor in and we started to push!
At first my mom and this other nurse held my legs.. and then we went to a birthing bar which i seriousy regret ever allowing. The nurse told me to push like i was taking a fat dump which was sort of akward but i laughed it off. we sarted pushing and the more and more pressure i felt the more i felt sick.. 10 minutes later my daughters head was starting to crown and i felt the burn!!! puked.. it was so embarrising. Four big pushes later and i gave birth to my baby girl Isabelle Rose (: she started crying when they placed her on the table to be cleaned off and i went into panick mode.. shot straight up in bed to make sure everything was okay and started tearing up because it felt like forever before i finally got to hold her they told me that she pooped when i was pushing and had ingested some of it which scared me to death.. when they finally put her on me we were skin to skin and it was the most amazing thing ever (: she was so tiny… with a thick head of dark brown hair and the longest fingers and toes you could imagine. She slept so well..4-6 hours usually 6 thought. in the morning i was laying in bed and she started spitting up what she had inhailed and freaked out and started crying ran to her and picked her up.. i was so afraid that was was dieing.. i know it sounds stupid but i panicked. im so happy i went to all those baby classes so id know what to do.. but she was just spitting up black goo and i was the only one in the room.. we stayed in the hospital for two extra days.. and went home (:
My daughter was born October 21st 2011 at 11:57pm 7lbs 7ounces.. 21” long and i was in labor for 17 hours. and it was worth everything. The infected IV the internal and external hemmeroids and the barley being able to walk for two weeks.. she was worth all the pain and id do it all over again.
I want to text you. Just to remind you that I’m still here. But then I remember that you know I’m here. You just don’t care.
Such a small room and to much stuff that we need.
And of course it never stays clean.. since I’m the only one thAt cleans or bothers to pick up after myself. Its so frustrating. I wish he wouldn’t destroy the room after I’ve got it cleaned and at least decent looking! Uhh. So much to do.